On Meritocracy and stories from growing up

“This is why we’re here. To fight through the pain and, when possible, to relieve the pain of others. So simple. So hard to see.” - Andre Agassi

For context, I proudly consider myself financially independent. I am 23-year-old healthy man, able to afford a room to myself in a metropolitan area. While a lot of days it doesn’t seem enough (Of course, I keep wanting more, all of us do), life reminds from time to time that having basic food and shelter is a huge privilege. Reflections from the last few weeks have made me question what I have done to deserve what I have. What follows are some stories from my upbringing and thoughts on the job market through my experience as I hope this serves as a reminder to myself to stay humble in the future…

I grew up in a middle-class family but had access to rich person’s education, Thanks mother. My mother believed during 6th grade, that my “English” was not up to the mark. I didn’t see why there was so much emphasis being place on this particular language, but 11-year-old me had some idea that English was spoken by relatively smart people. She wanted to move me to this much more expensive private school where apparently everybody spoke English. I was struggling to understand what sort of kids would use English as their everyday language. But turns out, nobody was given a choice. This school had a rule where students would get fined 500 if they spoke in vernacular (any language that was NOT English). I always love sharing this story every time I get to meet somebody from the UK, their reactions truly bring home the craziness of that.

Once in the expensive school, I slowly started to realize everybody around me was super rich and super “privileged”. Most of my new friends had multiple cars with drivers. What sort of people employed their own drivers? We had just gotten our first car - Maruti Alto - one of the most affordable cars at that time. When we got it, I found it quite cool. We were one of the only families in the neighborhood to have a car. But turns out, this was nothing to talk about in front of my new friends because having an Alto just implied that you are “poor”, as I was repeatedly reminded by my peers. My family has been using the same car for the last 14 years. I have now developed an Alto complex, where I actively try to avoid telling people what car we have at home.

Then came university. I enrolled into a recently established liberal arts university with extremely high tuition, a new and foreign concept to India. The institution, however, unlike most private universities in the country, provided generous need blind financial aid. They forgave my tuition altogether, for which I will be forever grateful. Stepping into the institution, I quickly figured not everybody’s tuition was forgiven. These kids would turn up to classrooms armed with the entire Apple eco-system. I was now surrounded by the hyper rich and the hyper privileged of the country, the top ~0.1% so to speak.

Being raised in a resource-constrained environment, makes one observant of their surroundings. “Money” is a constraint, and every experience comes at a price. I was now growing up around people for whom the constraint did not apply.

Today my circle is filled with super-duper rich people. Most of us have jobs that are highly selective. But how did we get these jobs? And are we the most qualified people for them?

Recruiters usually hire from exclusive campuses. But what are they looking for? If it's a non-technical role (we aren’t that big on hard skills in liberal arts universities), recruiters are assessing for relevant “prior experience” i.e. internships. Internships are usually unpaid, free labor. While some are moving online, a lot of them require people to be working on-site. It's easier for young students who live in metropolitan areas to access these internships. I have often seen students from smaller towns who had the opportunity to intern but could not because of financial constraints of moving to another city during the summer.

Companies look for brand names for internships. Interned at a Big 4? Oh yes, yours is thought-provoking resume! A lot of these internships are availed through family connections, it's pretty common in my circle to get an internship through their dad who has a friend at a bigshot company in a bigshot position.

And interviews? Contingent on the job but almost all of them are assessing for solid communication skills (in English, of course) and confidence. Confidence is not easy. It takes years to become articulate in any language. It's difficult for somebody to be articulate in English, especially if it's not spoken every day. Again, easier for people to privilege for a lot of whom English is their primary language. My current neighborhood in Gurgaon is now filled with kids whom I observe only communicating in English. My conversations with these parents have revealed that they prefer communicating with their kids in English mainly because it is strong foundation for success.

Forget about being confident in a second language. It's difficult to be confident in general. I can’t accurately delve into what it takes to build confidence but broadly a supportive environment, access to resources and opportunities of growth really help. Are you a professional tennis player? You are going to Europe this summer? That’s so cool. You are such an interesting person. In general, experiences and hobbies are a privilege.

I get it, Okay? I am quite privileged. What do you want me to do? Feel guilty about it? No, that’s not the point, but being self-aware goes a long way. How much of my position today can be attributed to hard work? I am not sure but a hell lot of it can be attributed to the socioeconomic class I was born in. I wish people are more grounded in their accomplishments. Celebrate your successes but understand that the opportunities presented to you might not be the same for everyone else. One simple exercise I love doing is trying to put myself in the shoes of others. Let's try to be more empathetic to the ones who have had it more difficult than us.